So! I turned a year older just two days back and… I wasn’t entirely excited about it. This might sound pretty cynical but really, it’s just another number to my age. BUT it’s special because it is that one day in the entire year that I can really claim as my own :) So yeh.

The last few months of the year always passes way too quickly and it sometimes scares me. I always feel that I don’t have enough time. I’m not saying I think I will die young, and there is nothing in particular that I feel is significant enough for me to put it on a list of “things I must accomplish before I die”. Rather, my mantra is, if you feel that you’ll regret not doing something, chances are you probably will, so just do it. Life is short. We’re allowed to make mistakes and we’re allowed to be happy – even if it was for that one moment. Just… don’t take life too seriously.

Mean people puzzle me. Being mean usually also means you’re either an angry or bitter person, most likely both. That’s an equation you can’t get out of. My question is, why are you so angry? What makes you so angry that you have to lash it out at the people around you? Especially at people who are in no way associated with that anger. Are you always this angry? What do you feel after being mean to someone? Does it make you alittle less angry? I know doing nice things for someone usually make my day, does being mean to someone make your day? Do you go home and lie in your bed at night rejoicing over the fact that you’ve done something bad to someone that day? Mean people are a mystery that I want no answers to, but being happy is just so much easier, don’t you think?

Being happy is a wonderful thing. Right now I’m happy and I keep this happiness close by my side, like a pair of warm gloves that I keep snug in my pocket. Sometimes I’m afraid of getting too addicted to happiness but happiness is like a sweet candy that you can’t get enough of.

I have a (very) mild case of claustrophobia, which is why I hardly mention it. I only get panic attacks when I’m trapped in elevators or wardrobes. This is also one reason why I don’t particularly fancy movie theatres, that, and also I don’t really like the dark. Put dark and small spaces together and you can expect a full blown panic attack. What I’m trying to say is that.. the recent SMRT incidents worry me ALOT. That train on Thursday, stuck underground, no light, no ventilation, small dark spaces. My ultimate nightmare! I don’t know if I want to take the train ever again.

That’s all for now! Happy holidays everyone!

I feel like I’ve been sucked into a whirlwind ever since we shifted office. There’s so much to learn and see and my new colleagues turned out to be surprisingly nice. I’m always excited when I meet awesome designers – even now, I’m awed when I meet people who can design so well, so effortlessly. But things are spinning so fast I’m feeling exhuasted already. Every day I’m asked to do something that I am foreign to, and it scares me as much as it motivates me. I don’t know why we bother to push ourselves so hard sometimes but it’s always up to us to find that balance…I guess. The ground has shifted beneath me and I’m still trying to find my footing. Until then, I’m just trying to survive this period of uncertainty.

One of my colleagues occasionally makes time to have breakfast and coffee with me before work and that makes my day so much easier to start :) My favourite meals of the day are breakfast and supper (if this is even considered a meal, haha) because they are the most exclusive meals of the day. The first people of the day you meet is at breakfast, and the last people of the day you meet is during supper. That’s kind of romantic when you think of it, yes? I hope I’m making sense.

My brother broke my cup at home and I broke my foundation cake yesterday. Those are the only two crappy things that happened to me lately. I can’t remember much of anything else bad that happened, because I’m in a whirlwind, as I mentioned.

BUT, I remember the good stuff!

Our lovely Peiyun just celebrated her birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST, DEAREST FRIEND! :) When things get tough, when you feel like crying for no reason, when you just want to rant about random stuff, when you need someone to be on your side even when you’re wrong, when you need someone to just listen to you, when you need to go for a drink cos you had a bad day or when you feel like going on a last minute shopping spree, it’s nice to know that there’s a number on your phone that you can always dial :) So thank you, for being there :)

Talking about shopping, I’m really excited about H&M! I have yet to make a trip down, but I reckon there’s the rest of forever to go since it’ll be here to stay. I’m not going to squeeze with a hundred over other overly excited female shoppers  at this point of time – I’ll either be (1) making alot of impulse purchases or (2) walk out of the store empty handed. Neither of which I will be happy with.

I’m also excited about BKK! I have no idea how much I’ll be buying but it’ll be good to just get away for awhile :)

I’m ending this entry with a very lovely picture I found at From Me to You.
This is my idea of making forever last :)

Still, it’ll be lovely to see if this bag is just as lovely in flesh.

Plus H&M is opening in September. Yay!!

Before Facebook existed, people who walked away from your life walked away for good, and that’s not always a bad thing. Before Facebook existed, everyone you met is a mystery, and it’s nice because the great thing about meeting someone new is that.. you get to find out more about them FROM THEM. Not their Facebook profiles. These days it’s so easy to find someone on Facebook that you tend to judge them even before you met them. Well, at least that’s what I do. It’s shallow but I can’t help it!!

What’s worse is that I can’t bring myself to say that it’s cool to NOT have a Facebook profile… because,well, I’ve been brought up to think that it’s not. My mother has a Facebook profile. I have a friend whose dog has a Facebook profile. So you see, it’s not cool if you don’t have a Facebook profile, because even domestic pets have them.

And then now there’s Google+. And Twitter. And Foursquare. And Tumblr. And Heello. And more.

The world seems to be connected by a huge web of social media networks and it may seem pretty awesome at the beginning, but as people get too reliant on these sites to maintain their friendships and relationships, it ends up pulling people apart because there is no real connection anymore. Our friends live in our computers and if you think about it, that becomes kind of freaky doesn’t it? We spend more time with our computers than any of our real friends, and in the end, we become more lonely than ever.

The thing is, I don’t remember the last book I bought from a book store. Ok, wait, I remember. I bought a book for someone’s birthday last year and he end up breaking my heart. The thing is I hardly see the point in buying books. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE reading, I LOVE books and I think literature is a gift from the heavens. I think good books should be shared, which is why I only borrow from the library. If I bought a tonne of books, I’ll just end up donating them to the library. Besides, I never read the same book twice. The ONLY book I’ve ever read twice was some chick lit written by Sarah Mason and even then, if you asked me what it was about now, I won’t be able to tell you because I can’t remember.

I realised I always end up running back to my books when I was walking into walls in reality. They are like.. a contained little bubble that takes you in with open arms when you need a hole to hide in for a little while. It’s way better than taking drugs, definitely.

My question is, how do these people do it? How exactly do you write a 500 page novel? How do write the next one, and the next one? You have one lifetime, how many stories can you come up with? Writing a book is not like writing a song, or acting out a movie. It’s all about the details, down to the last emotion, touch, word and conversation. Everything matters.

I’m jealous of people who can write. I want to write a novel too.

So, here’s a happy picture. Me and PY trying ramen at Illuma. They have all kinds of  ramens for you to try, from different parts of Japan concocted by different chefs – all in the same restaurant! So far we tried one, and there’re about 5 more to go. Interesting stuff!

Is it because my life has been too peaceful that I was so reeled when I was suddenly bomboarded with so much injustice? In a way I’ve already lost my job because how can I work in a place where someone is constantly standing behind me with a knife preparing to stab me should I do or say anything wrong. It’s a matter of time before I throw in my resignation letter.

At this stage, I’m done being angry. I’m just 不服气. Most of all, I just want this to be over. All this negativity is suffocating me. I don’t want to turn into a bitter person, but on the other hand I couldn’t just let it go because it was so wrong!

I need to start breathing again so that I can think clearly.

This evening the boss (the son of a bitch) of my our main company stomped into our office with a bunch of people, gathered us around and told us to pack up everything and move back to the main company, immediately. He then informed us that our manager has ‘resigned’ and will not be returning. (We found out that she was being fired on the spot and asked not to return at all) Later we were very briefly informed that our company has been making a huge loss since the beginning of the year so we are closing now, and we will later be re-employed into the main company in the week to come. That happened all in the span of thirty minutes.

At that moment there wasn’t any time to digest any of it. There were at least 15 people in the office, 10 of which are complete strangers. We were asked to quickly pack and wait for the movers to arrive.

Then, this Chinese assistant manager (that we didn’t know existed) wearing a terribly cheap dress started briefing us (in English so broken it almost made my ears bleed) on what will be happening in the new company. We were not so subtly told that we are not quite needed in the main company because they have enough designers at it is. She said we shouldn’t ‘try anything funny’ and try to adapt to their working culture. She also fed us with a load of other crap which I can’t quite remember. In simple words, we’re not quite welcomed.

So the gist is, this company is making a loss -> it will be closed down -> we will be terminated from this company and re-employed by the main company where we have to serve our probation period all over again. ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND? Do you think this is some kind of game? Don’t treat us like dirt that you can kick around.

I can’t even begin to describe how I was feeling when all that sunk in. Basically the boss is making a loss and decides we should all go, without making any compensation, but is instead urging us to leave the company on our own. Oh, very smart you fucked up frog.

I’ve wanted to leave for awhile but this isn’t how I wanted it to end. HOW CAN THEY BE SO UNFAIR TO US? Didn’t it occur to them that we have families and bills to pay as well? I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY.

If I were in a drama right now, I’ll be plotting revenge – hiring lawyers and sueing their asses off. Or I’ll burn down their fucking office.

I didn’t know there’re so many awful people out there. I’m not going to wish anything bad on them, all I wish for them is to have a taste of their own medicine. I hope karma comes and bite them in their sorry asses.

I feel so fucking helpless. Is there anything I can do? Can I actually go to MOM and report this? Sigh. If I knew kung fu like Ip Man, I’ll go in on Monday and kick all their asses and make them go down on their knees and beg for forgiveness.

That said, I’ve been obsessed with Tony Parsons recently. I was grabbing all the books I could find whenever I visited the library and perhaps it’s at this point where I am in life, I feel I can connect with the characters. Those that are wondering how to move on in life, what to do with their lives and learning new things from the past. So, I just finished “Starting Over” – it’s about how a man almost died from a heart attack at 40 and got a second chance when they found him a suitable heart. With this new lease of life, he was torn between being the responsible father that he was – stuck with a well paying boring job, a strict father to his children and a responsible husband to his wife, and living the life that he thinks he should be living – having the time of his life, doing all the things he wished he could’ve done, getting out of that boring job, being a lover to his wife and a friend to his children. I was expecting some kind of answer at the end of the book, I wanted to know how people finally figure out their lives, but there wasn’t any. I was disappointed, but it helped me figure out one thing…well, two things. One, instead of trying to figure out our lives, perhaps we should just be living it. And two, sometimes questions do answer themselves. I love it when a book teaches you things like that. It may sound like trival things, but do we ever figure these things out by ourselves?

I went bowling with PY and KK last week. It was my first time bowling. You may laugh if you want (-_-) but I’m not ashamed to admit that in the past, when I shun something, I shun it completely and it can be without reason. I still do, but I’m more careful about saying no these days. Life is short, right? Anyways it turned out fun! But I broke a thumbnail and it hurts like a bitch :(

I sometimes wonder if I’m a likeable person. I realised I used to smile alot more; now it seems I’ve grown stingy with my smiles. I don’t know why. It’s not that I’m unhappy, it’s just that… I don’t know why either. I shall be more committed to smiling alot more from now on :)

I thought that I’ll be blogging alot more when I get my iPhone because I can blog on the go, but it seems otherwise. It’s easier to just Twitter on the go. Haha.

Here’s something I found a couple of days back and I love them so much! I’m going weakknee-ed just looking at them and it gave me so many crazy ideas of the things I could do if I could design stuff for them! I especially love the Photoshop magnets. How cute is that?!!

Finishing off this with some random pictures. And I just want to say… I still prefer PCs to Macs.

The setting was somber – as funerals are – everyone was sitting around with a grim look on their faces, but the band (formed out of men dressed in suits at least twice the age of my father) was playing a cheerful, sunshiny old chinese song. That got me wondering, what kind of music do you want playing at YOUR funeral. Sure, you probably won’t be sticking around to enjoy it, but surely you want it to be something that identifies you as a person, while you were alive and hopping.

So, what will it be? :)